So many thoughts and emotions are overwhelming my (Julia’s) heart this Christmas season that my rational brain is having hard time keeping up.
For those of you who are not familiar with our life, here is the deal. This is our first Christmas away from home. We’ve done everything to make it as normal as possible. We bought a real Christmas tree in a “home depot” type store in London only to find out it was probably cut a few days ago and was not going to last. We made homemade eggnog but the eggs curdled up and we ended up with 2 pints of milky scrambled eggs. We decorated our flat but realized that it was the crackling of our fire place that made our house back in Canada so “Christmassy”. We played Christmas music, baked Christmas cookies, wrapped Christmas presents, enjoyed London decked out in Christmas beauty. We were determined to have this Christmas “as usual”. Now 3 days left until the big day and it might be the unusually warm and sunny December or it could be the oddity of our situation but Christmas spirit is becoming more and more difficult to access.
In attempts to fight the blues I turn on my “go-to” Christmas tunes. No such luck…”I’ll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams” turns me into a blubbery mess. When my rational brain takes over again and tries to tell me that I have no right to feel this way because my home is not really in Canada it doesn’t help but leaves me with a sense of lostness. In 3 days I will be on the wrong side of the 30s. As if that wasn’t bad enough now to top it off I’ve come to realize that I don’t even have a home, a place where I belong, my childhood bedroom with all the sentimental stuff that is supposed to make us feel “whole and grounded”. I’ve moved countries 5 times in the last 13+ years and I’ve done it out of obedience to the call Jesus placed on my life. Why then do I have such a profound feeling of disconnect from everything that is supposed to feel familiar?
The truth is none of us are at home wherever we are. It’s just that my life exposes the condition more than in others. Painful that may be but I’d rather not feel settled and comfortable because it keeps me dreaming and longing for the place that is eternal, where I do belong. We hear so many messages this holiday season about what the true meaning of Christmas is. I won’t bore you with the list but the most popular is “spending time with the family”. Lovely sentiment but not the truth. The true meaning of Christmas is a distant promise and a dream becoming a reality through the Son of God becoming flesh and coming to live among us. I can celebrate that anywhere I am.
This quote struck me while I was reading The Faith of Leap by Michael Frost and Alan Hirsch. It may be referring to the church, but it is true for individual Christians as well:
“A Church which pitches its tents without constantly looking out for new horizons, which does not continually strike camp, is being untrue to its calling. We must play down our longing for certainty, accept what is risky, and live by improvisation and experiment.” Hans Kung
Thanks for the important lesson. Julia. Thoughts and prayers from Vancouver Island!
Thanks, Yanny! Merry Christmas!
Thank you Julia for this great letter/post! Very encouraging!! Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, Lienkie!
Oh Julia you are so right. Thank you so much I needed that too. Those three great people you live with make your home and runny scrambled eggs make it interesting and remind us that nothing on this earth is perfect when we do it ourselves. Have a wonderful season and it’s minus 1 now so I think you are warmer where you are.
Thanks, Diane! Much love to you this Christmas!
Great post Julia … our love to you, Brad and the kids this Christmas … and now that we’ll be home for a few mornings as a family on this end we can maybe get that long-talked-about Skype call in from the DJ’s to the Frey’s … blessings!
Thanks, Dave! Skype sounds awesome!
I fully understand. Try an African Christmas. It is so unlike what I grew up with. It try to do some of the things but facilities are so different it does not always work. I find that being with the kids is the best part. merry Christmas, pat
Ah, but you have entered into a Christmas with new friends that we have and will enjoy while we have you with us. It is great for us to have that new flavour of friendship that we did not have before. Have a great Christmas see you soon…
Thanks, John! We are loving this new life we’ve got here and don’t doubt for a second that we are in the place where God has us for the time being.
Merry Christmas! I hear you all the way. What is interesting in the story is that in a year or two, when you will celebrate Christmas yet in another country, you will really miss something about Christmas in London. This will be a special Christmas celebration with different people and different traditions and experiences, though it might not feel so breathtaking yet.
Cheers! Bisous!
As we move on in life, from place to place, we do feel like we don’t belong anywhere, and at the same time we keep a special attachment to the different places we’ve lived in. We make our home wherever we are, but most of the time we realise how precious it is to us after we moved out to yet another place and while a new home is being set up … Have a great time with your family and friends! Make the best of it! Celebrate Jesus with all your heart!
Thank you! It’s so true and I know that you understand exactly what I mean. Merry Christmas to you too and hopefully, we’ll get to see each other in 2012. After all, we are just a narrow channel away from each other!